“For Pete’s sake, tell
‘em not to eat anything!”
As a certain bee-hived,
big-breasted, black-dressed Queen of B-cinema once said, “Hey, does anybody
know what that movie was about? Uh, I’ll tell ya what it was about: it
was about an hour-and-a-half too long!” In the case of Herschell
Gordon Lewis’ Blood Feast, it was about 67 minutes too long. That’s
right, the notorious film that outraged critics and introduced the world to
gore in its extremist form isn’t even technically a feature, as it’s several
minutes shy of a proper running time. I’m beyond grateful for that, however, as
I don’t know how much more of this mess I could withstand. Over-acted,
over-written, and just plain-old over-the-top, Blood Feast is far from
one of my favorite cult films, but seeing as how it holds such cultural
significance, how could I gloss this one over? And let’s face it, there’s just
as much to mock—if not more—as Stephen Tyler’s The Last Slumber Party and
Nick Millard’s Criminally Insane (stay tuned).
Yeah, yeah. I’ve mentioned
more than a handful of times that these commentaries are meant to pay homage to
the films, not ridicule them. But there isn’t much to praise when it comes to
the many Herschell Gordon Lewis endeavors of the ‘60s and ‘70s. Okay, his films
may be a shallow cut above the likes of Doris Wishman or—dare I say it?—Ed
Wood, but I don’t think even he took them seriously while they were in
production. It’s clear in this case, the focus was more on making money than
making something good (or at the very least passable). How do you make
money in the film business? You attract an audience, of course. How do you
attract an audience? Well, showing them something they’ve never seen is a
pretty good place to start, and in 1963, filmgoers had yet to see grisly shots
of severed limbs, a human tongue pulled from a cavernous throat, and a bizarre
ritual called an “Egyptian Blood Feast,” which would ultimately resurrect an
ancient goddess known as Ishtar (not to be confused with the 1987 Warren Beatty
flop).
I hadn’t seen the acquired
taste known as Blood Feast (see what
I did there?) until I was well into my twenties, when my horror fanaticism
started to fizzle. I was far from the genre-obsessed adolescent, who happened
upon the H.G. Lewis splatter opus during John Waters’ 1994 cult classic Serial
Mom, which includes brief clips of Blood Feast’s bloodiest and most
gratuitous moments.
Funnily enough, Marcel
Walz’s re-interpretation of Allison Louise Downey’s original screenplay
premiered at Fright Fest less than one month after this episode was originally
recorded. Funnier still, I didn’t even know there was a remake until
yesterday, when I started assembling material’s for this blog post. After a
little snooping around, I happened upon a review penned by Dread Central’s Matt
Boiselle. Based on the synopsis, I can only assume that the 2016 version of Blood
Feast is yet another in a long, long line of in-name-only “remakes.” I
mean, this version is set in France, for cryin’ out loud, and Fuad
Ramses (played this time around by Robert Russler, better known by genre
fanatics as Ronald Grady of A Nightmare on Elm Street, Part 2) has a
wife (Caroline Williams, of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Part 2),
daughter, and runs his own diner while working part-time at an Egyptian museum.
Though their review was more than favorable, I think I’ll skip this one.
Anyhoo, for this episode, I
used the version of Blood Feast included in Something Weird Video’s 2011
Blood Trilogy Blu ray. The 1.78:1 transfer clocks in at exactly 1:07:12,
so feel free to watch along, but don’t be surprised if my nonsensical ramblings
are slightly more entertaining than the actual film—and that’s something I
don’t think I’ve ever said before. .
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