“Never mind the stupid
cape, bonehead. Just give me the crown.”
The universe can be a
strange, unpredictable, and oftentimes nefarious place, as I’ve discovered lo
these three-plus decades. So many unanswered questions keep our ever-spinning
minds at work. Who built The Pyramids? Why are we here? What is the true
meaning of it all? And, more recently, what in the name of Christ is up with
the amount of attention, and/or lack thereof, B-Movie Bonanza has been
receiving?
The blog itself gets a
pretty consistent 200 hits per day, which I can’t complain about, since I don’t
advertise as aggressively as other podcast do. What befuddles me is the
questionable hits the episodes themselves have been receiving. I don’t mean
“questionable” in the “doubting accuracy of numbers” sense, but in the “why the
hell has audio consumption so drastically shifted?” sense. I’m sure you’re on
the edge of your seats for further explanation, so here we go.
It’s been pretty hard to
attract attention on YouTube, but with the endless hours of readily available
content, I can’t compete. Why listen to 90 minutes of me rambling on about
movies no one likes, when there are thousands of stupid human tricks and cat
videos to keep one entertained? As I so often say, Vimeo has been where my bread’s
buttered. There have been episodes of B-Movie Bonanza that received
upwards of 30 hits within the first ten minutes online, this without any
promotion at all. For most installments, a steady climb would follow with the
passage of time, except for a few, which couldn’t quite reach the 25-mark.
In recent months, however,
Vimeo hits have begun to taper off. Most of the newer episodes haven’t been
able to reach double digits, while over on YouTube, the show earned more than
10,000 cumulative hits. The Strip for Action and Stripteaser episodes
alone have surpassed 3,000 listens each. Alas, I think this has more to do with
horned-up Millennials, who stream hoping to find actual strippers in a state of
undress. Others believe the channel contains the titles themselves (the Serial
Slayer episode received a comment that stated simply: “Where’s the
movie?”).
There’s been other unusual
activity on YouTube as well. Don’t get me started on the 4 pricks who gave the Eyes
of a Stranger episode “dislikes.” I’m not entirely sure what it is
these few find so contemptible about this particular endeavor. Nevertheless, I
hope they fall bare-assed onto a fresh pack of Gillette’s. Why the hell is the
“dislike” option even there? It only makes it easier for faceless trolls to be
even nastier than they already are. If you can’t say something nice, then shut
your clap trap or I’ll be forced to go all South Philly on your asses.
Despite this steady stream
of turmoil and strife, I managed to bang out a brand-spanking’ new episode for
your listening pleasure. It only makes sense to follow up the 1980 slasher
essential Prom Night with its completely unrelated 1987 sequel? While I
favor The Last Kiss over Hello Mary Lou, the latter is not at all
without merit. I think it deserves much adulation for being one of the only, if
not the only, horror movies to include a character named after Frank
Henenlotter, one of my schlock idols.
My source for this episode
was, of course, the MGM disc, running 1:36:42. This edition can easily be found
on YouTube, so why not slip into your favorite tiara and watch along?
