“I think your sweetheart’s been taking too many diet pills.”
Happy motherfuckin’ New Year, B-movie fanatics! I don’t know about you, but I’ve been counting the seconds until 2017. The past 365 days were by far and away some of the worst this country—nay, this world—has seen in quite some time. So many deaths, so much senseless violence, and...do I even have to say it? No, but I will: DONALD FUCKING TRUMP IS HEADED FOR THE WHITE HOUSE. If I didn’t know better, I’d assume I was stuck in one really long nightmare. One really, really, really long nightmare. On a personal level, things have been less than stellar, too. And no, I’m not again referencing the suspension of my YouTube account, or the fact that I got text message-dumped by someone I thought I was to spend my future with. It’s a little deeper than that. But hey, I’m not one to air my dirty laundry via public media. I know it might not seem that way, what with the things I’ve shared in blog posts, on Facebook, and during the commentaries (the most telling being the revelation that my very first crush was Creepshow 2 star Daniel Beer), but believe it or not, there’s a lot I don’t say. Perhaps I’ll save it all as the basis for an memoir one day—a really long, really depressing one at that.
As loyal subscribers of B-Movie Bonanza have already ascertained, all episodes of this little rinky dink operation are recorded several months in advance. This tebds to be both good and bad—bad because I can’t wait to share all of my oh-so-hilariously compelling anecdotes (oh look, the needle on my Sarcaz-O-Meter just broke off) and good because a lot tends to happen in between the recording and the uploading, thereby giving me fodder to include in the text read by all six of you (I know, I’m flattering myself. All three of you). In this case, something I never thought would happen is on its way to becoming a reality: Scream Factory is scheduled to release Slumber Party Massacre II & III as a double-feature Blu ray set! Why did I believe this would never come to be? Well, first and foremost, I didn’t think a widescreen print of Part III even existed (Concorde isn’t exactly famous for keeping pristine 35mm negatives of their titles tucked away in some fireproof vault) and, well, I was told by whoever runs Scream Factory’s official Twitter page that it just wasn’t going to happen. Some rabid fans, however, managed to change their minds and I couldn’t be more excited (untrue; I’d be more excited if someone actually tracked down Keely Christian for an on-screen interview).
So, not only are fans finally going to see these gems in crispy clear high-definition, but...wait for it...they’ll be getting two—that’s right, TWO—versions of both features! I don’t know about you, but I had absolutely no idea that Slumber Party Massacre II was available in an 85-minute version, which means that fans of this bizarre little rock ‘n roll horror classic will be treated to an extra 10 minutes of thrills, chills, and guitar drills! Also, Slumber Party Massacre III will be presented in its heavily censored R-rated cut (first released by New Horizons Home Video), which runs 75 minutes, and the extended version, which runs 87. Why do I hear Ren and Stimpy singing “Happy Happy, Joy Joy” in the back of my head?
Unfortunately, since this episode was recorded several months ago (and I had absolutely no idea that this incredible two-disc set was on the way), I was forced to use the version of the film included in Scream Factory’s Slumber Party Massacre Collection, released back in 2010. Hopefully, the episode will whet your appetite and keep you licking your chops in anticipation of the Blu ray, set to be released on January 27th!