Episode 39: Haute tension a.k.a. High Tension (2003)

“Tu ne m'aimes pas...”

Since all episodes of B-Movie Bonanza are recorded several months in advance, I always go back and listen before they’re uploaded to YouTube. Just in case I make any bonehead comments or behave in an inappropriate fashion, which compels me to apologize, or at very least explain. For instance: the ridiculous cackling during the rape kit scene in The Crush, or the detailed tutorial on how to properly slit one’s wrists during The Coroner. I honestly don’t know what’s wrong with me.

In this case, I noticed three things: first, I continually mispronounced “haute” (the H is supposed to be silent, this I should’ve known, having, at the time of the recording, been studying the language well over a year). Second, woven between many complaints about how Alexandre Aja blatantly plagiarized the Dean Koontz novel Intensity, I gave a plethora of tips and discussed the progress made during my many weeks of studying the French language, which made me come off both pompois and pretentious as fuck. Third, I realized how much I missed language-learning being a part of my daily routine.

Shortly after this episode was recorded, I put my studies on the back burner. I even stopped listening to French music, something I thoroughly enjoy. For months, I thought of the progress I’d made, and chastised myself for throwing it all away. I’ll get back to it, I continued to tell myself, feeling more and more like a failure. While I did lots of Googling in hopes of finding language-learning methods specifically aimed at the visually impaired, I consistently came up empty. Even the Library for the Blind had no suggestions. So, I decided to go back to learning exclusively by ear. There’s just one hitch: many audio lessons, as I’ve learned from experience, are pure garbage. They’re either vastly overpriced, extremely limited in how far they delve into the language, or their methods just don’t work.

Recently, I decided to go back to Pimsleur. I attempted their learning method once or twice, but must’ve inadvertently happened upon simple conversational French. Brief lessons someone traveling overseas might use to temporarily get by. My goal has always been to one day become fluent, something that simply cannot be accomplished in eight half-hour lessons. Luckily, I came to find that Pimsleur has created an alternative method, which consists of 150 thirty-minute lessons and goes much deeper than the set I’d previously attempted. So, I decided to begin again, which has been frustrating, but helped me rekindle a lost passion and once again enriched my daily routine. In all likelihood, I won’t be fluent upon completion of these 150 lessons. as it takes years to become fluent in a foreign tongue, but when the time comes, I’m sure I’ll figure out some way to continue my studies.

Because I was still in the thick of my language-learning at the time the episode was recorded, I decided to listen to the original French audio found on both the DVD and Blu ray editions, which runs 1:30:42. If you’d rather watch along using the English dub, feel free to do so, as it doesn’t tamper with the time length. Please find some way to enjoy the commentary, despite my overt pomposity, and until next time, bonsoir!